you know just today
i thought through hard and something within pricked me
so painful it hurts till i teared.
i was smsing dixon and i asked him

" if i ever drift away from you all, just for studies sake, to go to that jc
that ive always wanted, would you mind? would things still go the same?"

and he replied
(not exactly the same, but i get it somewhere)

" we will stay best friends forever more.. till the end, the happiness and glee
you will ever recieve would be eternal blessing! wouldnt you want that angela teo?
study hard and im going to motivate youu! though im a year younger, but in thinking
wise, im more matured:D somehow. maybe that explains why im in ri. haha!:D "

oh dixon, i cant express how much i got to thank you
you got me going
got me to know that i have to move along
and study so hard to get into rjc, i hope lah!
but if cant, ACJC it would bee:D
i really love you so much know best friend?
you're always so hyper so funny that it perks me up
even in moments of misery, you're here!
you're the best okay!! ahhah!
and jo, you know you're the first person whom i seek advice from
just cos youre so noble!

your reply so true it seems so admirable!

" if they are your friends, they will stick with you through thick and thin.
they would be able to understand what you're going through and wish the best
for you. you know that right? and im here for you always, just cos im your friend."

thanks dear.
alot. alot. alot.
i read those lines again and again, and tears rolled down those
sun glazed cheeks.
maybe im just emo today
maybe the next, im hyper
but these two messages got me going so strongly.

aaron, thanks for that phonecall.
while talking to you, it may not be so pleasant with those sniffings.
but i must say it made me feel so much lighter..
a sense of comfort overwhelms me. it meant so much
you know that right?

and i might simply stop blogging
and going out except for sch and all
cos i wanna focus
im determined.
so today, i am here writing this to actually write little notes to every precious one.
to tell them, they mean so much.
and they're not forgotten
even in the midst of o lvls, they're still there, stained in this heart of mine
* even detergent cant wash it away xD
you know what im getting at.

steph!
you know something? how i wish you were with me in sec 4. we could go through this pain and torture together but i cant be so selfish as to make choices for you that may be a wrong one! yup so i respect whatever you made. and i love you for that. really i do. and from today, the chances of me meeting up with you and having long conversations maybe slim but please, dont let this deter our friendship but set this as a challenge for us both. score well, work well and we'll meet in the end soon.. im sure.. 7 years of friendship aint easy to come by, im glad we brought it to life even after PSLE(: we can do it again dear. trust me, i'll never forget you. and for now, im going to apologise for any neglect im gonna give you. baby, you're still stuck in my mind and heart even when i studyy. cos you're the sweetest soul that ever came. love you<3

joanne!
you're in my class. and we've talked almost every hour. just not after sch. but i must say things have changed. a hell lot. but no matter what, you're always my best friend. in and out of sch. we know this year is major and i dont mind the rejection you gave me earlier. perfectly understand, we both are determined yeahh, hence the result of this. but dear, i'll let you know now that, you mean so much more than mere paper and pen. i cant type this out but simply express three words that is so cliche but so important. i love you!

squeak.
i got to know you since sec 3? ahha. & we've been so close ever since. yeah, the bitch i used to think of you seems to vanish ahh? HAHAHA(: i keed lahh. anyhuus, thanks for putting up with my nonsense and random screams! :D i know its like a killer to sit next to me cos of my nonstop rattling mouth but i know you just cant get sick of my oh so marvellous voice, can you? AHHA:D i love you squeak, we study and be nerds okayy?! love you darling.

emmma.
you'll always be that old naggy grandmama. i love you forever more. sorry i cant get those dates with you going cos of my screwed up schedule. i'll decide once i can organise things out kay? you're so cool, i wanna make you mine. AHHA:D

kelly.
omg. you are seriously the coolest lahh. when people turn their backs on me, you stood by next to me and detested everyone who spoke ill of me. i love you tons hon. and you know that! haha, thanks for the nasty bitching sessions we have together. and those food we rush to eat and yeahh dear, NO DIETS(: haha. carb carbs here we comeee. we love them, dont we?! you're so smart, i cant stand it! haha:D

zhen!
heh heh, you're always my midnight chat partner lah i swear.but you're always so cool yo! you tried so many things ive never did before and am still so innocent! maybe in appearance wise only right? AHAHA HINTS. but really you were always there when im down, and i hope i did too for you! i love you okayy! lets make this friendship or relationship last yeahh? HAHAHA(: the chemistry, oh so strong. IONIC BONDS. yeahh only we understand that. ONLY WE DO. yeahh:D

teewhy.
you disgusting sickening bimbo. i cant stand you. so smart. but nevertheless, you're one cool kiddo. i love you my dear gb pal. yeah we'll go out soon. the crazy shoppings we had in sec2s! its been long, really long! love love. oh ohh, but shopping must wait, o's first! haha!

mel!
haha, you nasty woman, so skinny still keep insisting your fat. my ass lah. but i love you still, study hard and im sorry for not going for cell, you know why:D yeahh thanks for those emo walks down the lane... of maple woods. HAHAHA:D pass those bangalahs:D yeah yeahh. in the rain, its too cool(: I LOVE YOU!

it seems like the same phrases every now and then
the never ending i love yous
but really, spread the love!

elias!!!
you're away in china! rahh. but have fun. just wanna say thanks for always giving me those late night calls and sacrificing those precious sleep you need eh? wink. haha:D but thanks lah really. you always seem to be able to make so much sense i cant out talk you. haha:D i just wish we would be strong and carry on:D yeahh! study hard anddd love you plentyyy!!somethings special is happening on wed, you know what?! i know what!<333

dixon!
ive said it all, in the above. lets just say you'll always be that funny crazyy retarded spasticated awesome best friend. i never thought you would be this close to me till now. :D but im glad you are. really! you bring so much joy in my life ! yeah i know we be cool! haha. laughter joy and everything nice, these are the perfect ingredients to make friendship bonds oh so strong. HAHA(: yeahh dick the son. go be the man!:D HAHA i keed i keedddd! :) you know i am, right?<3

aaron:
ahahah:D my best buddy! you're too cool. i had fun studying with you and all. apple pie strawberry sundae. yeahh those food cravings we have.. weird isnt it? but hey, satisfying to those grumbling tummies. i really want to thank you for every single thing you appeared to do in my life. haha, yeah orchids for example. how lovely. yeah only me shu and you would know. secret secret:D hahaha! thanks for that immediate reaction upon hearing im sad(: thanks thanks thanks!!!<3

joel:
sexy australia friend! just wanna sayy, im dying to see you soon! i have so much to tell you! hahaha(: yeahh, you gay ness. i really miss those talks to have and laughter in macs! come back soon okayy? by that time you actually do, i'll be done with o's mind you, no need to remind me about it. im dying! ahha(: i know you feel the hurt.:D HAHAHA

alimi!
hahaha:D i only knew you really really well last year, but you brought so much joy into my life. haha:D thanks dood, i'll always remember you as that dixon pal. hahaha:D funny fellow, yeahh nasty eye stares! stare stare stare* i knew i could do way better than you can!:D

ggeraldd!
DADDYYY! PIMP DAD:)

alloy:D:D:D
haha, best friend, i never knew you could be emo like me till sat! but i really hope nothing would ever affect your liveliness that lives in you ever again okayy? best friend ahhhh! HAHAHA LISTEN TO YOUR MOTHER AND START STUDYING. stop freezing your ass off when youre drenched in a 16 degrees air conditioned place. you know what im getting at. admin freak:D HAHAHAHA. thanks for sat, you made it a blast:D ha. sweat pocari the best choice!!!

brandon koh!
ha, so called brother. doesnt even look like me. what a weird combi. but hey, thanks for everything! i hope you've cheered up after that long while:D hahaha! LOVE YOU BROTHER!!!

brandon yap:
hey twin! hahaha:D somehow we got related.. well pretty weird. well, basketball vice cap. haha HMM, you deserve it more than anyone ive known. so much better than ahem pimple ahem:D haha(: you know who im getting at. you know it. haha! thanks for the laughter you gave me when im waiting for your fellow basketball senior's call. thanks thanks thanks! you're the bestt! :D you dont worry too much about that girl too.
nasty twin.so vexed about wanting a girl ehh? ahahaha:D i keed.

lennie!
you're just some annoying hippo but yet ever so sweet. hahaha! thanks for catching spongebob with me last times. those were the best!!!:):):)

ping!
hahaha:D you are always readily available for mee. i just dont know how to thank you:D hahaha! but thanks lahh, study hard okayy!we can do this!!!:D whee ness. i'll give you that outing we've always needed one day! RELALY IT'LL WORK OUT !HAHAHAHA:D

there there, finally.
in no chronological answer, ive got his all done out.
i hope everyone who reads this
get to feel abit of touched? is that the word?
hmm, yeahh hope so.

for now, hibernation period till end of the year.
i try i try(: